Why, oh why???

Most days I do not think much about the many challenges Emily faces. However, there are those few days when all I can think about is: what kind of life is this for her? I am haunted by questions that seem small and petty and by ones that are much bigger like:

When she hits puberty do I shave her under arms and legs?
Does she need to be put on birth control in the off chance that someone horrible takes advantage of her?
Will I ever hear her speak more than a few audible words?
Will she ever walk independently or ride a bike?
Will she find the love of her life?
Will she get the joy of walking down the aisle to marry her future husband?
Will she ever have a child of her own?
Does she have hopes and dreams for herself?
And so on.....

I know these questions are ones that I should not dwell on and many of them are quick passing thoughts, but it can be so hard when your dream of having a child with a joyful and "easy" life are altered. My heart is so full of love for my children and I only want the best quality of life for both of them.

I am very fortunate to be surrounded by amazing family and friends that understand and get what I am going through. I am so thankful to have them all here around me to help lift my spirits when they are down. I am also grateful that my family and friends agree that it is okay to have these thoughts and concerns as long as they are passing thoughts and not ones that I get hung up on. I know it is okay to think "why" and I hope you too know that it is okay to ask the questions of the unknown.